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Tag Archives: life

Homesick

16 Sunday Feb 2014

Posted by Chanda in Uncategorized

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life

I’ve moved to Sydney 3 years ago. And for the past 3 years, I’ve only been home twice and only for a week visit each time. 

I don’t call home every week – only when there’s something to discuss or when I’ll greet them on special occasions. 

 

I’ve heard of people not finishing their work contracts overseas because they can’t handle the homesickness. I can’t imagine myself on that state. I do miss my family and friends, but not to the point that I’ll book a ticket a home. One reason is that tickets are expensive, and the other is that I can brush off the longing feeling easily. Like today, I was reading the blog post I wrote 6 months after I moved here in Sydney and suddenly I miss being at our home in Fairview. I miss having a lazy Sunday, all you do is eat and watch TV and annoy my siblings. But will I feel sad the whole day? No. I just remembered that I have to wash clothes so I placed the first batch in the washing machine, went back to researching about Brazil and I already forgot that I was missing home.

 

Sometimes, I feel bad for not being homesick. On Christmas or birthdays, I’m ok not to go home. I can go home if I want to as it was shut down at work anyway. But I chose not to. If money is not an issue, yes, I would love to be home. But I know that money spent on my fare if I go home during peak season will be better spent on my family’s Noche Buena or for monetary gifts. Or maybe I can use that money for my travels.

 

Maybe I’m just being practical and not sentimental. 

 

But maybe I’m just like this. Independent. I was seldom at home even when I was in still in Manila anyway.

Or maybe because I’m living in a bubble here.

Sometimes I’m not sure if I’m only not missing home, or I’ve blocked it out of my system. 

 

I wish I can afford to be sentimental.

 

But for now, I’ll leave it as it is. 

Fat Girl

24 Tuesday Sep 2013

Posted by Chanda in Uncategorized

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Fitness, life

I’ve always been the fat girl.

As far as my memory goes, I was always the “big” girl. You know how students line up according to height? I would always be at the far end. And not only I was tall compared to my classmates, I was also fat. I wasn’t obese fat, I was just fat fat. I’m not trying to make myself look better! Obese kids can’t be active but I could still play like other normal kids. It’s just that I wouldn’t be able to run as fast as the others. I also remembered that my playmates were not excited to have me in their team if the activity involves being fast.

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Image from http://ricamaebristol.blogspot.com.au/2013/01/mga-larong-pinoy.html

We have this game as kids in the Philippines, Luksong Baka (literal transalation: Jump Cow), where one kid will be the “cow” and other kids will jump over. Ultimate goal of the game is that the participants be able to jump over the “cow” without touching him/her except when they place their hands on the cow’s back so they can lift themselves. The height of the cow increases on each round. Guess what? I was always the cow. I never had the chance to jump over. First, I didn’t think I can lift myself with my hands. Second, no one would want to have my weight on their back. Yeah, you can laugh now.

I was teased, but I wasn’t bullied. Probably because they were afraid that I can just punch them? And probably because I just didn’t care. A part of me has accepted that “I am fat and that’s how things are and how things will be. My grade school and high school, I was fat. I think it was on my second year in college that started going to the gym. I remember I was 185lbs then. With a height of 5’6, I was fat. It was difficult to buy clothes then. There were no shops for bigger women in the Manila, and the biggest size for girls’ pants is 32 and I couldn’t fi in those. So I got most of my jeans from the guys sections where they have 36inches!

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College days

So after my first stint at the gym, I was able to lose weight. I think I dropped to 160lbs. And then few months after, I will gain it all back. And then I’ll start going to the gym again and lose some. I can’t even remember how many times I’ve lost some weight and gain it all again. I’ll go down to 145lbs, then go back 160lbs. I was trapped in that cycle for years.

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First months of working – June 2008

December 2009

December 2009

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May 2010

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December 2010

The lightest I’ve been was when I was already here in Sydney. I dropped to 140lbs, and I had muscles so I was quite lean. That was January 2012. Then after a year with a boyfriend and all the stress of my visa application, I just woke up one day and I was pushing 160lbs again. I had to send my smaller clothes to my sister because they’re just occupying space in my closet and I couldn’t wear them anyway.

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Sydney Summer 2011

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October 2011

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December 2012. Busy cooking.

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May 2013. Probably this photo was my wake-up call. I didn’t approve this on my timeline in facebook, I was just so ashamed of what I’ve done to my body again.

I tried to go back to the gym, tried to eat healthy, but always lose focus on the weekends. It was just a bliss to have a glass, or 3, of wine on Friday, Saturday and Sunday night. I also started baking so I had all access to sugar and butter. Eating was more fun with a partner (yes, we both gained weight!)

And then 1 day of May this year, I registered for Original Bootcamp in Domain. I knew I needed something new, I couldn’t push myself anymore. I started on the first week of winter, maybe the extra challenge of low temperature at 7am got me through. For the whole 3 months of winter, I only missed one session – when I set the alarm wrong.

And here I am, I’ve joined the 8weeks to wow program. It’s the 4th week, I’m less than 140lbs (but I shouldn’t be looking at the scales!). Let’s see how fit I’ll be after this. Ever since I started going to the gym, I only had 1 goal – to be able to wear a swimsuit and be proud of my body! I know that’s shallow. Haha! But for someone who’s been fat all her life, I just wanted to know the feeling of being proud of your body. Of course now I know it’s not just all about losing weight, I’ve understood the concept of fitness and the true meaning of being healthy. But I still want to be lean!!!

And I swear,  don’t want to gain it all again. I’m thinking, maybe as long as I have consistent exercise, I’ll be fine. This bootcamp works well for me. Maybe because I paid extra that’s why I feel obliged to attend every session. But I also enjoy each sessions, working out with people that are fit just gets me motivated and I want to be like them! Someday, maybe.

So yeah, I’ll be posting fitness updates too!

Do you have fitness goals? What gets you motivated?

2012 X 2013

10 Thursday Jan 2013

Posted by Chanda in Everyday Life, Life Lessons

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life, personal

2012 is over but I’m still in this phase where I’m trying to catch my breath.

It has been a challenging year..
From finishing off my essay for EA
To a holiday accident
To fighting back with my previous employer.
To having a less pay on the new job
To my visa application
To failed exams
To failed appeals
To acceptance that I’ll just get my current company to sponsor me
and I’ll be stuck with them for 4 years
To all money spent on exams and application.

I wouldn’t say that “oh, it’s all worth it!” Fuck no.
I feel like my whole year was just spent(I didn’t want to use “wasted”) into that. It’s not one of those challenges that you’ll linger and remind
yourself of the lessons you learned from it. It’s something that you just want to forget and be grateful that it’s all over now.

But I am grateful. 2012 was a challenging year but the universe took care of me.
Spent the first week at Gold Coast with good friends.
An 8-day tasmania trip.
And survived the van accident without a single bruise.
Our family welcomed baby George, my niece. I know she brought new happiness to my parents.
I got a permanent job offer before my previous contract expired.
Spent my birthday long weekend in Port Stephens.
My visa got approved!
Bushwalk, beach and camping weekends.
Great friends who are like my family here in Sydney.
Good health for me and my family and friends.
And for a chance of love. Love despite our differences.
So thank you, universe.

For 2013, I don’t have big targets.
Just the same goals as everyone else.
Lose all the weight I gained in 2012.
Take more photos, organize my photos.
Travel more, keep my weekends busy again.
Cook new dishes.
Learn Spanish.
Post more on this blog.
Get into jewelry making. I think I have a talent. haha!
Save more for the Canada-NY trip at the end of the year.
I know I have to have career-related targets. I just couldn’t think about it now. Maybe we I get back from my 4-week Asia trip, I can think
things through.

And I’ll just continue to live with my mantra –
Do good, always. And the universe will take care of you.

Update

06 Tuesday Nov 2012

Posted by Chanda in Uncategorized

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life, update

I can’t believe that my last post was 4 months ago. I know I was really occupied in the last months but I’m having a difficulty now remembering all of them. Let me try to recall the highlights..

  • I lodged for my PR visa at the end of June and it was approved on October 5. Sh!t. I can’t believe I was able to compress that in one sentence after all the struggles I’ve been through. That was more than 4 months of weekend exams and heart breaking results (sad face). It was so stressful that my mother had to take a photo of mine to Quiapo church and wipe it against all the religious statues there as she prayed for my application to be approved. Don’t ask me which photo she took with her, I didn’t have the courage to ask. It’s all good now, prayers really work 🙂
  • I moved to a new job on July. I had a partner from the start but he left after a month. And for a month, I was all by myself finishing tasks that were supposedly for 2 testers. There were weeks when I was exhausted from Monday to Friday because of work, then I’ll do exam preparations on weekday nights and on weekends. I couldn’t complain about my job though. Mainly because they were so kind to offer me sponsorship in case I wasn’t successful with my PR application. It was a big relief knowing that I won’t be leaving Australia no matter what the outcome was of my own application.
  • I turned 27 on October 3! It started last year, that since my birthday is always near the October long weekend, me and my friends go out of town for that weekend. Last year, 9 of us we went to Jervis Bay. This year, 18 people went to Port Stephens! Although I enjoy organizing trips, I got a bit stressed for that one because I was busy with work and my visa application. Good thing my friends are so helpful and we still managed to pull off a fun long weekend. I’ll write a different post for that.
  • Because of all the stress, I had the right to gain weight! Lol So after I settles all my other concerns, I started getting serious on my workout and diet. But I guess I pushed myself too hard for 2 weeks that I got a case of swollen vascular structure. Ok, I made it sound better than the actual term for it. Go google what it is. I initially though it was something serious that I quickly search for insurance as I was worried I’ll have expensive treatments. Imagine my agony when I still didn’t exactly know what it was. After a week, I was able to see a doctor and verified that I’m ok. After another week, I had fully recovered. And the pounds I lost on the first 2 weeks, I was able to gain them back quickly on my recovery days. Hiyah!

So there. I wasn’t able to do much on weekends so I don’t have trips to share here (except for my birthday long weekend). On food updates, I’ve discovered a lot of fantastic recipes lately! These additional pounds are not here for nothing. I just need to make them again so I can take good photos and upload them. 

I should be posting more often on the next days! Hope everyone’s safe and happy 🙂

❤ Chanda

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